My Morning Family *
I can't believe I'm saying this but we really need some snow and we need it soon. This lack of snow is putting my favorite morning news crew in a major funk. Sure they'll show us video of people jogging and biking while telling us how beautiful the weather is, but they're not kidding anybody. I can tell in their voices that deep down inside they're crushed.
Mike Jackson and that one girl were all set to come out and kick some major school closing ass this year but I don't believe they've had the chance to even break out the scroll bar yet. Bob Nunnally (and sometimes Marshall Mcpeak or maybe Ben Gelber but mostly Bob, but never Jym Ganahl. The snow would have to be butt deep on a giraffe to get Jym up at 4:30 in the morning) has the Doplar all tuned up and there was talk of maybe even letting Bob sit down again if it were to be a snowy season. (They don't let Bob sit down anymore ever since that morning he was snoring on the air.) It was almost pitiful to watch Ben Gelber on Monday talk about Clevelands lake effect snow. The pain in his eyes was excruciating.
And then there's is Monica Day. She's been my traffic girl for at least 3 or 4 years now. Well, actually our traffic girl, but mostly mine. She's the best damned traffic girl in town and probably the state. Oh what the hell maybe the world. I've written the station many times to ask why it is that even though the news comes on at 4:30, Monica doesn't come on until 5:00. There's no less traffic at 4:30. I know its wrong, but when I wake up in the morning I'm always hoping a semi has overturned somewhere over night, just so she'll get a little more airtime.
A lot of people might dismiss Monica but she's got the toughest job of the morning crew. With five 1/2 hour segments the other members are usually just repeating what they said a half hour earlier. It usually goes along the lines of someone got killed or shot or stabbed or robbed or there may even have been a house fire. Then they do the fan of the day and then comes the town of the day. Next up is pet photos. If you want babys first birthday photos (because your first birthday is something you never forget) you have to watch channel 10. After all that there is very little time to promote the next shred-it day.(Those people at channel 4 are some paper shredding fools)
But Monicas' info can change in a moments notice. All it takes is one asshole on the interstate (and Columbus is definitely not lacking those) and Monica jumps into action. Need a detour? She's got it. Need to pick a lane? She's on it. Plus, her bag of cliches is enormous. She's got the all the classics: "stop and go", "your hitting the brakes", "heavy merge" (my favorite). When it comes to orange barrels she just seems to have some kind of special intuit. Last summer she said there were going to be new orange barrels on I-670 the next morning, and BOOM there they were, just like she said.
But it's when it snows that Monica is at the top of her game She's got all those damn cameras. Look, its snowing here and here and here and even here. There's an entrance ramp and its snow covered and look there, its a snow plow. Wow, I get excited for her just typing this.
So here's hoping we get some snow pretty soon. You see, these people are kind of like my morning family and I want to see them happy, and they seem to be at their happiest when they're excited, and snow makes them excited.
Oh, one more thing. Bob, its Monicas job to tell us to be careful on the bridges and overpasses. Lets not be going into areas that are not of your expertice.
Mike Jackson and that one girl were all set to come out and kick some major school closing ass this year but I don't believe they've had the chance to even break out the scroll bar yet. Bob Nunnally (and sometimes Marshall Mcpeak or maybe Ben Gelber but mostly Bob, but never Jym Ganahl. The snow would have to be butt deep on a giraffe to get Jym up at 4:30 in the morning) has the Doplar all tuned up and there was talk of maybe even letting Bob sit down again if it were to be a snowy season. (They don't let Bob sit down anymore ever since that morning he was snoring on the air.) It was almost pitiful to watch Ben Gelber on Monday talk about Clevelands lake effect snow. The pain in his eyes was excruciating.
And then there's is Monica Day. She's been my traffic girl for at least 3 or 4 years now. Well, actually our traffic girl, but mostly mine. She's the best damned traffic girl in town and probably the state. Oh what the hell maybe the world. I've written the station many times to ask why it is that even though the news comes on at 4:30, Monica doesn't come on until 5:00. There's no less traffic at 4:30. I know its wrong, but when I wake up in the morning I'm always hoping a semi has overturned somewhere over night, just so she'll get a little more airtime.
A lot of people might dismiss Monica but she's got the toughest job of the morning crew. With five 1/2 hour segments the other members are usually just repeating what they said a half hour earlier. It usually goes along the lines of someone got killed or shot or stabbed or robbed or there may even have been a house fire. Then they do the fan of the day and then comes the town of the day. Next up is pet photos. If you want babys first birthday photos (because your first birthday is something you never forget) you have to watch channel 10. After all that there is very little time to promote the next shred-it day.(Those people at channel 4 are some paper shredding fools)
But Monicas' info can change in a moments notice. All it takes is one asshole on the interstate (and Columbus is definitely not lacking those) and Monica jumps into action. Need a detour? She's got it. Need to pick a lane? She's on it. Plus, her bag of cliches is enormous. She's got the all the classics: "stop and go", "your hitting the brakes", "heavy merge" (my favorite). When it comes to orange barrels she just seems to have some kind of special intuit. Last summer she said there were going to be new orange barrels on I-670 the next morning, and BOOM there they were, just like she said.
But it's when it snows that Monica is at the top of her game She's got all those damn cameras. Look, its snowing here and here and here and even here. There's an entrance ramp and its snow covered and look there, its a snow plow. Wow, I get excited for her just typing this.
So here's hoping we get some snow pretty soon. You see, these people are kind of like my morning family and I want to see them happy, and they seem to be at their happiest when they're excited, and snow makes them excited.
Oh, one more thing. Bob, its Monicas job to tell us to be careful on the bridges and overpasses. Lets not be going into areas that are not of your expertice.
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