Bracketology (The Making of the Twit Sixteen) Part 1
So I'm making a serious effort to actually fill out a bracket for the Republican 2016 Presidential nomination and the first order of business is to seed them 1-16. It sounds easy but it's not. Things happen on a daily basis so you have to pick one day and stick with it. To help with the seeding I looked to two sources, Real Clear Politics, a daily poll tracking service and the London bookies. (You can bet on everything in England except on when the Queen will die simply b/c the vast majority believe she never will.) The bracket itself is not as easy as one would think also. Some may say "Bush is going to win it so why bother?" To that I say that on this date 4 years ago Herman Cain was the front runner and before him it was Michele Bachmann. Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry were also front runners before the dust finally settled on Mitt Romney.
Here's my seeds starting at #16 and moving up.
.
#16: George Pataki.
George is a very former Gov. of New York who likes to cut spending and taxes, both strong points in this field. But he lacks money and suffers from "who the hell is he syndrome". He's also is pro choice and believes the climate is changing, a death sentence for a Republican candidate in this day and age.
.
#15: Carly Fiorino
She also suffers from "who the hell is she syndrome" so I'll enlighten. She used to the head of Hewlitt-Packard. Hewlitt-Packard used to be the #1 manufacturer of computers and printers. During her tenure the companys debt went from $4.2B to $6.7B, their stock dropped 50%, she implemented mandatory pay cuts and eventually laid off 10,000 people. After her forced resignation ten years ago she has spent her time as a Republican fundraiser and ran for the US Senate (lost). Let's not kid ourselves, she was thrown into the race to counter Hillary and they hoped she would gain some traction, she hasn't.
.
#14: Bobby Jindal
The first of the "I'm just in it for the free money" candidates. These are the candidates who know they have no chance of winning the nomination but they might be able to spew enough fire and brimstone to get people to give them money. The problem for Bobby is there are other candidates who are whiter and spew better. We'll get to them later.
.
#13: Ben Carson
Poor Ben, he was quoted this week as saying,"I really don’t want to do this, to be honest with you, I was looking forward to a relaxing retirement, you know, with a beautiful home in Florida by a golf course." But since he's black and has come out against everything that his party hates, monied people find him winnable. But this is a grueling contest and if your heart's not in it you end up with a 13th seed.
.
#12: Rick Santorum
Next up on the "in it for the free money" list. Look, I understand, you got no job and a family to feed. A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do to survive. And for Rick the easiest way to do that is compare homosexuality to bestiality and watch the money roll in. He also doesn't believe in contraception calling it,
"a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be." He is also a big believer in States rights. Except for Colorado and Washington where he said if he were President he'd shut down the cannabis shops.
.
#11: Lindsay Graham
The soft spoken southern belle who believes America is not being the best it can be if we're not fighting a war somewhere. Just three short years ago Graham along with John McCain were calling on the US to arm the Free Syrian Army.
“I believe there are ways to get weapons to the opposition without direct United States involvement. So I am not only not opposed,” he said, “but I am in favor of weapons being obtained by the opposition.” Everyone knew that the FSA weren't Syrians at all (esimates put the total Syrians in the FSA at 5%) but mainly Iraqi Sunnis ousted by the US in the 2003 invasion. Today the FSA has a different name. ISIS
At a #11 seed I'm being very generous here.
.
#10: John Kasich
The hometown boy-yo. I can almost hear his campaign announcement already, "I'm going to create jobs for the US just as I've done for the State of Ohio." The only problem with that is most of the job recovery in Ohio has been generated by municipalities, not the state. The counties hit hardest in 07/08 have still not recovered. Southern counties in Ohio still have 8-9% unemployment and even the counties where fracking was supposed to turn things around, unemployment is still near 7%. (I'm in that part of the state quite often and I have never seen a drilling or piping truck with Ohio tags on it)
But I have to admit Kasich has done a few things recently that I've liked. He vetoed a blatant attempt by our legislature to keep college kids from voting and last week, instead of screaming and stomping his feet he said, "I'm in favor of traditional marriage but the Court has spoken and it's time to move on."
Sadly, for him, the things I like are the things his opponents will pounce on and ridicule him for. He may not even make it into the debates.
.
#9: Mike Huckabee
The king of the "I'm just in it for the free money" crowd. When Mike used to watch Jim and Tammy Fay Bakker on the PTL he took notes on how to squeeze money out of people with very little. Everything that stands in the way of his theocratic utopia is a fund raising opportunity. Right now Mike is seeking help in "fighting back against judicial tyranny." Step 1: Donate. Step 2: Just kidding, there is no step 2. Mikes dream of a theocracy (kind of like what the Taliban has set up.) is even too absurd for his own party but probably not absurd enough to keep him away from the debates.
Here's my seeds starting at #16 and moving up.
.
#16: George Pataki.
George is a very former Gov. of New York who likes to cut spending and taxes, both strong points in this field. But he lacks money and suffers from "who the hell is he syndrome". He's also is pro choice and believes the climate is changing, a death sentence for a Republican candidate in this day and age.
.
#15: Carly Fiorino
She also suffers from "who the hell is she syndrome" so I'll enlighten. She used to the head of Hewlitt-Packard. Hewlitt-Packard used to be the #1 manufacturer of computers and printers. During her tenure the companys debt went from $4.2B to $6.7B, their stock dropped 50%, she implemented mandatory pay cuts and eventually laid off 10,000 people. After her forced resignation ten years ago she has spent her time as a Republican fundraiser and ran for the US Senate (lost). Let's not kid ourselves, she was thrown into the race to counter Hillary and they hoped she would gain some traction, she hasn't.
.
#14: Bobby Jindal
The first of the "I'm just in it for the free money" candidates. These are the candidates who know they have no chance of winning the nomination but they might be able to spew enough fire and brimstone to get people to give them money. The problem for Bobby is there are other candidates who are whiter and spew better. We'll get to them later.
.
#13: Ben Carson
Poor Ben, he was quoted this week as saying,"I really don’t want to do this, to be honest with you, I was looking forward to a relaxing retirement, you know, with a beautiful home in Florida by a golf course." But since he's black and has come out against everything that his party hates, monied people find him winnable. But this is a grueling contest and if your heart's not in it you end up with a 13th seed.
.
#12: Rick Santorum
Next up on the "in it for the free money" list. Look, I understand, you got no job and a family to feed. A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do to survive. And for Rick the easiest way to do that is compare homosexuality to bestiality and watch the money roll in. He also doesn't believe in contraception calling it,
"a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be." He is also a big believer in States rights. Except for Colorado and Washington where he said if he were President he'd shut down the cannabis shops.
.
#11: Lindsay Graham
The soft spoken southern belle who believes America is not being the best it can be if we're not fighting a war somewhere. Just three short years ago Graham along with John McCain were calling on the US to arm the Free Syrian Army.
“I believe there are ways to get weapons to the opposition without direct United States involvement. So I am not only not opposed,” he said, “but I am in favor of weapons being obtained by the opposition.” Everyone knew that the FSA weren't Syrians at all (esimates put the total Syrians in the FSA at 5%) but mainly Iraqi Sunnis ousted by the US in the 2003 invasion. Today the FSA has a different name. ISIS
At a #11 seed I'm being very generous here.
.
#10: John Kasich
The hometown boy-yo. I can almost hear his campaign announcement already, "I'm going to create jobs for the US just as I've done for the State of Ohio." The only problem with that is most of the job recovery in Ohio has been generated by municipalities, not the state. The counties hit hardest in 07/08 have still not recovered. Southern counties in Ohio still have 8-9% unemployment and even the counties where fracking was supposed to turn things around, unemployment is still near 7%. (I'm in that part of the state quite often and I have never seen a drilling or piping truck with Ohio tags on it)
But I have to admit Kasich has done a few things recently that I've liked. He vetoed a blatant attempt by our legislature to keep college kids from voting and last week, instead of screaming and stomping his feet he said, "I'm in favor of traditional marriage but the Court has spoken and it's time to move on."
Sadly, for him, the things I like are the things his opponents will pounce on and ridicule him for. He may not even make it into the debates.
.
#9: Mike Huckabee
The king of the "I'm just in it for the free money" crowd. When Mike used to watch Jim and Tammy Fay Bakker on the PTL he took notes on how to squeeze money out of people with very little. Everything that stands in the way of his theocratic utopia is a fund raising opportunity. Right now Mike is seeking help in "fighting back against judicial tyranny." Step 1: Donate. Step 2: Just kidding, there is no step 2. Mikes dream of a theocracy (kind of like what the Taliban has set up.) is even too absurd for his own party but probably not absurd enough to keep him away from the debates.
Comments
Post a Comment